just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
