I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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