weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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