Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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