I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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