you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
