In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
