I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
