Just fell off a train. Bad.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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