watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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