If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
two words: eviction party
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
