I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
