yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
