Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
