i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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