I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
