I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
