He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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