Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you inspire me to be a worse person
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
