Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
