david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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