I just cut my nipple shaving
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
