i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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