we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
