My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
