Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize