The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
