Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
