i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
