my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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