went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I canβt live with men.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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