I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you win again, gameday.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
