11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
