p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
