So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
