Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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