If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
