We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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