i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
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The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
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I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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