I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
