I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize