Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
