Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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