were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
