TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
