so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
