Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
