we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
