we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
