my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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