I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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