The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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