He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
