i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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