Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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