i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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