not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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