she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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