So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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