I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
