i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
