they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
