Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
