Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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