I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We have started to decorate penises.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize