apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When did angry sex become our thing?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
