Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
